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They are like two complete strangers who happen to be at the same party.Ī spark does not guarantee love any more than a sunny day means the lake water will be warm and the swimming will be great. In fact, the spark and love are completely unrelated. The truth is, the spark does not equal love. It’s time to clarify something here that is completely misunderstood.įor this post I'll use the word spark to mean chemistry, butterflies, fireworks, that "oh wow, I can't believe he picked me" feeling that we feel with certain guys. The problem here is this belief in the all empowering spark – it's the fairy tale that we all believe we need to have in order for a relationship to turn into love. So we politely decline when he tries for date number three (sometimes even date number two). We don't feel that chemistry, that spark. We meet a guy who, for all intents and purposes, should be our dream guy, but we're just not feeling it. It just happens a lot sooner, typically on the first date or two. I know this is an extreme example, and most, if not all of us would be smart enough to say “yes” to this guy and start growing old together, but the reality is that a version of this happens to so many of us all the time. It was such a reminder of what settling really is and isn't. He wants a commitment.īut something is missing? She feels like she'd be settling? He's kind, funny, fully available and sexy, they have great sex and she loves him. This woman was talking about a man who she feels is her best friend. I had to read it again, just to make sure I wasn't missing something. She went on to say that while she loved him very much, she knew it was never going to work out in the long term because she never felt that elusive spark. I recently came across a story of a woman who was in a long term relationship (several years) with a man that she described as emotionally available, kind, funny who kept her very satisfied in the bedroom. What do you do if you're not feeling the spark?